One of my childhood friend recently got an arranged marriage and for some reason I was horrified. I suddenly felt sick and I went through a negative rainbow of emotions: fear, sadness, anger, pity.
A part of me kept thinking: “How could she go through with it? She didn’t even love him.” I thought it was something that our parents did but we as the next generation wouldn’t. Then again although she may have born been here she spent her formative years in
I have met her husband and he is lovely. I know that she is very happy and that they get on well. Of course I am pleased for her but the thought of marrying someone I didn’t love just fills me with dread.
Clearly, I have been psychologically scarred by all those Disney films I saw as child. For example, in ‘Aladdin’ Princess Jasmine ends up with Aladdin even though in his pre-genie days, he didn’t even have two pence to rub together let alone a lamp.
The West dictates that you marry for love. If you don’t marry someone who you love and have a blissful existence together then somehow you’re not “normal” - whatever normal is. But what happens when the dream ends and you wake up?
You get divorced and try to re-create that ideal with someone else?
Maybe I should let go of my Western sentimentality and idealism that marriage is based on love and instead try to embrace the practicalities. After all marriage is a legally and financially-binding contract with another person.
With an arranged marriage, you are walking into an agreement with your eyes open. There are no delusions or expectations. You both know what you’re getting and what you want out of it. There is no emotion to cloud your judgement. You will be financially secure. You know they will support you come what may. You will get on with your partner even though they may not be your soul mate.
Maybe the East has got it right with their tea and lentils and the importance of education. Could it be that arranged marriages (which are consensual on both sides) are the way forward?
Although they are financial arrangements, there is more to it than that. Your parents play a part in deciding your future partner. They want the best for you, so they will try to find someone who will make you happy. It’s sort of like a dating agency’s filtering process. Surely, your parents know you better than yourself?
Unfortunately, my parents’ idea of what makes a good husband does not correspond to mine in the slightest. But it does seem tempting given that my romantic decisions have thus far ended in emotional turmoil.
In the very, very distant future, if push comes to shove and I am surrounded by married couples, maybe I will take the plunge instead of waiting for Mr. Darcy to never come.
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